Was something that my Dad would call me growing up but initially, it was just "red". Not because of the red birth mark that is slapped across my right neck that's often been associated with a hickey, but because when I was a baby I would cry so hard and then hold my breathe until I would turn.....red. I knew that when he referred to me as that, I wasn't in any kind of trouble and that everything was going to be alright. Unfortunately, those days came far and few between. My father and I didn't have the close and loving relationship that I witnessed from most of my friends. It was something that I secretly longed for but in the end, I settled for him just being around.
At the time, I didn't realize how difficult it must've been for him raising a family of five kids, working a full time and sometimes even a part-time job while going to night school in order for him to get his college degree. I took it for granted that food would always be on the table, a roof over my head and clothes on my back. Of course I never knew of the sacrifices that he made so that we wouldn't have to go without. It was only when I was away at college did I fully appreciated everything that he did for me that I finally was able to say everything that I never did. I wrote him a letter of gratitude, of appreciation and of love. Later, I found out he shared it with everyone with tears streaming down his cheeks and that it was one of his prized possession. I'm glad that I had taken that opportunity to expressed that to him because it would only be a few shorts months later that I would be returning home to help take care of him and then soon after be attending his funeral.
Although several years have since passed, I miss my father every single day. It's a loss so profound that I don't know that I will ever recover from. I never found out why he started calling me sweet red, but it's a nickname that I will forever cherish.
A beautiful story Erika; I see my own daughter (19 Y.O.) turning the corner and showing gratitude to her father and me for the simple things we provide her. I completely understand the pride your dad felt when he shared your letter with everyone!
ReplyDeleteSweet story!! When we're young we think our parents are there to just simploy keep us from doing things we want to. That perspectives change greatly once we get in the real world and realize the difficult times they had to endure to take care of a big family. I come from a big family of seven children and many times I would just criticise my parents for having so much children when they struggled financially. But just like you, we always had food on the table and roof over our heads. My father would work two jobs while going to school full-time and was never there physically or emotionally. Now as a parent, I realize that what I wanted my parents to be was less important than what they needed to be for their children: caretakers and providers. I think now I try to focus on the positive of what they did than the negative they should not have done. I also know that my own children will have their own perspectives as they grow up, hopefully it will be perspectives that will generate a grateful attitude and appreciation for how they grew up.
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